I Will Forever Be Zane’s Mom

I have started this blog to serve as a therapy. You see 75 days ago I lost part of my world. My baby boy, my 16 year old son, ray of sunshine, took his own life on July 26th. Not only did his heart stop that day between 5 and 5:20pm but so did mine. I feel the more I talk about things, the more I tend to remember because I have had multiple black outs in these last two horrible months. I’ve even forgotten things before that horrible day. In fact just the other day I was highlighting a clients hair and she showed me her maternity pictures that I styled her hair for. It was that day. THE day. I had forgotten. The pictures were so beautiful. Another example, a friend delivered and gave her twin girls life that morning almost exactly 12 hours before Zane was to end his.

I spend my days as a hairstylist talking, and I talk about random things all day long so I will give you fair warning now…I tend to jump from subject to subject. But I hope you enjoy having a glimpse in my mind. Fortunately most will never have to endure losing a child and especially losing a child in the way I have. I can tell you I’m walking through hell and my heart hurts every second of every day and I still can’t smile a real smile but I do know there is peace out there. Maybe this will help.

6 thoughts on “I Will Forever Be Zane’s Mom”

  1. I stumbled across your blog as I was searching for blogs about suicide awareness because I write about that as well. I am so sorry for the loss of your son Zane. I have read a few of your blogs I pray you continue to heal. Bless you. Thank you for sharing his story.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carrie your like my other mom. I found your blog about a week when one of my other friends moms was reading it so I started reading every single post. All I’m going to say is love you lots mom❤

    Liked by 1 person

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