I have started this blog to serve as a therapy. I lost part of my world, my baby boy, my 16 year old son to suicide on July 26, 2017. He was my ray of sunshine. Not only did his heart stop that day between 5 and 5:20pm but so did mine. I feel the more I talk about things, the more I tend to remember because I have had multiple black outs since the tragic evening. I’ve even forgotten things before that horrible day. In fact 3 months after I was highlighting a clients hair and she showed me her maternity pictures that I styled her hair for. It was that day. THE day. I had forgotten. The pictures were so beautiful. Another example, a friend delivered and gave her twin girls life that morning almost exactly 12 hours before Zane was to end his.
I spend my days as a hairstylist talking, and I talk about random things all day long so I will give you fair warning now…I tend to jump from subject to subject. But I hope you enjoy having a glimpse in my mind. Fortunately most will never have to endure losing a child and especially losing a child in the way I have. I can tell you I’m walking through hell and my heart hurts every second of every day and I still can’t smile a real smile but I do know there is peace out there. Maybe this will help.
While my son is no longer walking this Earth, I would never want another parent to endure this pain. I am now an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention advocate.
He was beautiful. He was amazing. He was perfect. He was and still is our Zane. He will always be a part of our life. My family and friends include him in everything. I gave birth to two boys so I biologically have two children. In 2019 we adopted two more. We have four children. Three boys, one girl. Zane will ALWAYS be here. Suicide sucks my friends.