You are my sunshine

You know that moment when you hear a song and it brings you back in time to a specific place? That just happened. Well, that happens frequently. Music is one thing Zane and I saw eye to eye on. We love music. Before he got his car, that 10 minute drive to school was our music discussion. We would enjoy singing our favorite songs or we would talk about how bad an artist’s voice was. If a new song came out, I would Shazam it then text Zane and ask if he’s heard it and vice versa. Now I feel guilty if I hear a new song on the radio because I can’t share it with him. So I’ve listening to the 80s and 90s more than usual. And Zane, I know you’re laughing at your mom because she kinda likes ‘7 Years’…only because your boys put that on the playlist and because you tormented me with that song by playing it on the piano when I least expected it.

We both had a deep love for Shinedown. Last year him and I and two of his friends took a quick road trip to Ruidoso to see them. It was phenomenal and the boys had a blast wanting me to drive fast…I’ll deny going over 100mph 🀣.

For those of you that were not at his funeral, we did things a tad bit different. My sister suggested allowing everyone to sign the casket. What an awesome idea!!! So we chose a light silver/grey casket and the days before the service at the funeral home, his visitors wrote the most loving, sweet, sometimes funny, weird, crazy, memos to Zane and signed their names. Some also drew pictures. Zeagan, his nephew, even left his mark. Pastor Amanda also suggested writing notes and leaving them IN the casket with him and we did just that. What a great way to begin healing for the kids. Our friend, Sheldon, gave Zane a beautiful sacred heart piece on the top of the casket as well. When Daniel and Zane we’re babies I would sing to them and one of their favorite songs was what I had the honor of writing on the casket first as Zane’s mom….You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey, you’ll never know dear how much I love you please don’t take my sunshine away β˜€οΈ

4 thoughts on “You are my sunshine”

  1. I lost my 26 year old son, Matthew, to suicide two months ago. I cannot imagine ever truly laughing or smiling again. 😞


    1. It’s the hardest thing to do in the world. It will happen tho. It took me forever. The only thing that helped me was my grandson. Then a few months later after Zane died, our niece and nephew came to live with us because of their mother not being able to care for them. I had no choice. It was Zane’s plan. I truly believe it. Matthew will help you along the way. Much love πŸ’•


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