Walking for my sunshine

Yesterday was beautiful yet heartbreaking. Team #flyhighzane was a sight to see! So many light purple shirts with my baby boy’s name on it, the back with his favorite song…

If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
‘Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
‘Cause I remember everything.

As Erica placed the white beads around my neck (which stood for parent, loss of a child) I secretly wanted to vomit. My eyes teared up and my hands were sweaty and shaking. My heart was pounding. I am so glad that I saw more colored beads than white beads in the crowd, to me that meant less parents and more supporters. I hope. I distracted myself by passing out tshirts that needed to be given out and by watching for fellow team members. Not everyone that signed up made it but multiple people came and signed up the day of! Our team was the largest there. Several of the volunteers commented on the support Daniel, Adrianna and I had. I have to say it was a blessing. A true and precious blessing.

The walk itself was great and I can’t wait to see the group photo Tonya took of us all. The sea of purple was spectacular. It was also good to see my Daniel smile. He hasn’t in quite a while.

When I got back to town I went to visit Zane. I know I didn’t need to tell him about the walk because he was there with us. Do you believe in “Pennies from Heaven”? Well my cousin Monica was getting out of her car at the walk and there was a penny. She knew it was from Zane so she handed it to me. It’s now in my phone case. Zane was telling us he was there. I had to go talk to him anyways. I wish I could tell you in person. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could feel your forehead to see if you have a fever. I wish I wish I wish I wish…..