Suicide Awareness

Call Me…

This morning at the gym one of my favorite songs started to play. Read the lyrics carefully…

Call Me’

By Shinedown

“Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that’s the way I should go
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I’d be able
To say that I’ll visit on the weekends
I lost my whole life and a dear friend
I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways no never mind
God knows I tried!

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me its over, I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite
Call me the worst
Tell me its over I don’t want you to hurt
Its all that I can say
So I’ll be on my way

I finally put it all together, nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I put my life in a suitcase
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that’s the way it should be
You know I’ve lived my life like a gypsy

I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways, no never mind
God knows I tried!

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me its over, I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite
Call me the worst
Tell me its over I don’t want you to hurt
Its all that I can say
So I’ll be on my way

I’ll always keep you inside
You healed my heart and my life
And you know I’ve tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me its over, I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite
Call me the worst
Tell me its over I don’t want you to hurt
Its all that I can say
So I’ll be on my way
So I’ll be on my way
So I’ll be on my way”

So many can relate to this song. Zane related to this song. Zane loved this song. He didn’t want to hurt us. I know he didn’t. Although it DOES hurt, I know deep down he didn’t want us to hurt. A few days after he left us he came to a dear friend of ours in a dream and told her to tell us he was sorry and to not be mad at him. We haven’t spoken much about this. In fact until now I have kind of locked that memory away. Why? Because I could never be mad at him. He himself was hurting and how can you be mad at someone who was hurting? Especially my youngest son. My youngest son of only TWO children. I might question it. I might question God. Ok, not might, I DO question God, but not Zane. I question why he was tortured. Why at only 16? How did he even have any time on earth to sin to be a candidate for torture. I have many questions. He was sick. Anxiety and depression is an illness. Suicide is not a normal way to lose someone you love, especially your teenage child. Yes, so many unanswered questions. So many things left unknown. We will never know. Not till the day we meet again. But I do know he is still around. Another one of his friends told me the other day she had a dream about him. She was struggling, having a hard time. My baby boy came to her to tell her it’s going to be ok and for her to be happy. Damn I miss him terribly but to know that he is STILL helping others gives me SO much peace it’s unreal. If you do not believe in good spirits, you’re crazy. Because my baby is one. He’s there. He’s here. He’s right beside you. If you need him, he’s just a dream away. I wish I could touch him but if God is going to give Zane to us in our dreams, then that’s how I will take it.

Zane, you are my sunshine ā˜€ļø And apparently you are everyone else’s sunshine too. Fly high baby boy.

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