Suicide Awareness

Stolen Forever ๐Ÿ’œ

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.
โ€”James Oโ€™Barr

This is a pretty strong quote. Do I feel like Zane was stolen from us? Yes. Will I ever stop loving him? Absolutely not. Do I think his friends will ever stop loving him? Ask them. But I can give you a quick answer…no. Yeah they’re moving on almost 6 months later but Zane is right where he belongs. In their hearts ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ.

Forever 16

Seven years ago my 19 year old niece Elinda was stolen from us. Just like July 26th I will forever have October 21, 2010 embedded in my mind. The 4am phone call. The scream. The drive to my mother-in-law’s house. Being in a daze and seeing what I saw as I walked in the house. Driving back home to pick up Daniel and Zane to take them to the hospital to say goodbye. The dreadful days after. Dreadful. The strength I had to gain as Kerri and I did her hair and makeup. The planning. Decisions. This. That. This again. That again. I didn’t want my mother-in-law to have to think during any of this. I am so thankful for everyone who did this for me. So thankful. More than everyone knows. I miss my Chica immensely. But I feel ok knowing my baby boy is with her.

Forever 19

My husband’s 16 year old brother Petey was stolen from his family August 9, 1993. I hear many stories about him. Zane and Petey were the same age. I pray Zane’s stories continue as Petey’s stories have. I feel like I know him although I never was blessed enough to meet him in person. I’m sure Zanes uncle greeted him immediately, introduced himself. I bet they had so much in common their conversation lasted hours.

Forever 16

This path, that path. We all have a path to walk. Zane’s favorite band has a new cover song…”Gone Away” (originally by Offspring). I’ve always loved this song and now that 5FDP put their twist on it, I love it even more. I can only hope Zane would love it too. I used to imagine heaven being beautiful, full of cotton candy, roses and unicorns. Now it seems so far away. This world is cold and it’s not because it’s winter.

I’m sitting here finishing up this blog, and for the second time in two hours I have heard sirens. I’m not sure when my heart will stop pounding every time an ambulance sings that song. That is one lullaby I never want to hear again.

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