; His Story Isn’t Over Yet

My last blog was for Zane’s six month anniversary. It went by so fast. Sort of. Like eternity fast. That doesn’t make sense but yeah, fast.

The boys asked us to meet them at Zane’s home last Friday night so of course we did. It was great seeing them all together. Every time, I swear Joe and I hear new stories about Zane. Saturday night, Joe made dinner for the boys at the house. They requested chicken spaghetti but I still can’t make it so they settled for chicken tacos. Again, it was bittersweet having them gathered together. While they made me laugh, towards the end, I was tearing up because someone was missing. The missing smile. The missing laugh. The missing everything.

Sunday night Joe, Daniel, Adrianna and I were surrounded by 15 friends and family. We attended an inspirational concert called “You’re Not Alone” by the Lubbock Dream Center. As we payed each of our hands were marked with a semicolon. In the world of suicidal thoughts, the semicolon means your story isn’t over yet. While Zane may not be here on Earth, his story is not over yet either.

The opening statement was…

“Teenage suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death of ages 10-24.”

I wish we could change this. Or if we can save one life of this statistic, so help me. Maybe my son wouldn’t be Forever 16. Maybe we can save your child’s best friend. Or YOUR child. Or someone you know from pain. Help someone write one more chapter in their book.

The teens who performed the concert were passionate and talented. Every song and skit was obviously practiced over and over till perfected. So brave. Most kids their age would not have the guts to get on stage and sing, especially solo. Very proud. And for such a great cause and awareness. Each song was obviously carefully selected to support suicide awareness and prevention.

In early September we chose Zane’s monument and ordered it. For anyone who has done this, you know it can be a lengthy process depending on the detail and size of the piece. The stone itself was being brought over from overseas and we were informed the other day it had arrived in the US. Now the process of laser etching and letter detailing begins. At the moment we are deciding on the design and making the finishing touches and agreements. Is this exciting? Not really. It scares me. It makes me feel as though putting the monument up will leave me with nothing else to look forward to. My son deserves an emaculate headstone, no doubt but I’m not ready. I just hope my baby boy likes what we are choosing to do.

Joe ran to the old house to drop off a box to store and noticed something unusual on the living room floor. As he looked closer he didn’t know what to think about it. When he brought it home to me, I was just as stunned. Where did it come from? It was packed! It was packed in Zane’s boxes!! Joe would have noticed this item before if it had been there. So believe me, it wasn’t. Is the suspense driving you crazy? Remember when I went stocking stuffer shopping back in December and broke down when I came upon a certain mini strategy toy? Yeah well, it was Zane’s full size Rubics cube I gave him two years ago. The one where he completed in 45 minutes. That one. Middle of the floor. Ok Zane, I love you. We love you. We all love you.

Zane’s story isn’t over…;

2 thoughts on “; His Story Isn’t Over Yet”

  1. I read your story any I actually cried I am also missing my brother my best friend my rock and I also feel everything u r feeling I love u Carrie and I love reading your beautiful stories about Zane.

    Liked by 1 person

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