Suicide Awareness

Love Remains The Same

“A

thousand times I’ve seen you standing
Gravity like lunar landing
You make me wanna run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
Drift to you, you’re all I hear
As everything we know fades to black
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You’re pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But, love remains the same
Find a place where we escape
Take you with me for a space
The city bus sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I have to find just where you are
The faces seem to blur
They’re all the same
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You’re pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But, love remains the same
So much more to say
So much to be done
Don’t you trick me now
We shall overcome
So all that’s left is praying
But we, should have had the sun
We could have been inside
Instead we’re over here
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time too long defending
You and I are done pretending
I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You’re pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
Everything will change
I, oh I,
I wish this could last forever
I, oh I,
as if we could last forever
Love remains the same
Love remains the same

I think Gavin Rossdale meant this song to be about a love, a single person, the love of his life…not about a child that has died. But it fits. It spoke to me. I heard it on Pandora while getting ready for work and knew I needed to mention it. Gravity keeps me here even though I want to find him. Love will remain the same.

Thursday July 20th (which is also my mom’s birthday) Zane and I were headed to Lubbock, him in his car, me in mine. He didn’t want to stay in Lubbock after his appointment and run errands so he brought his own car. He was driving behind me and when we arrived at the dermatologist I told him how awesome the Punisher decal looked on his car from my rear view mirror. Zane grinned from ear to ear. He was proud of that car. It’s definitely one of a kind.

Fast forward almost exactly 7 months to the day on the 19th of February…Joe and I had an excess amount of kids and needed two vehicles to go to Lubbock. Of course Joe took the Challenger and was driving behind me before we left Levelland. Seven months ago was the last time I saw Zane drive that car with the Punisher decal behind me. I felt like I saw a ghost. Bittersweet. I knew Joe would pass me because my husband tends to have a lead foot 🤣 so I did not have a total break down with kids in my car.

My dear husband has been distraught and sad because Zane hasn’t come to him in a dream. Well the other night my baby boy finally came to his dad..his hero..his Tata. Joe woke up so happy. In fact two nights in a row he dreamt of Zane. Joe asked him to watch over his guys at work and told him that him and I love and miss him so so much. Zane said he loved and missed us too. He also told Joe he liked what his dad has done to his car. I had just talked to Joe about that, saying it was almost making me sad by changing it so much, that it was less like Zane. Well that dream reassured me that it’s ok. I know Zane wanted to do so much with the Challenger as a project with his dad and that’s why Joe has made it a goal to finish it. Izayah and Daniel have been helping. Both of the boys enjoy driving the car, they feel like Zane is with them.

I got home this evening and looked through the mail. Bill, bill, junk, ad, mail for Zane, bill…wait what? Mail for Zane? Eyeglass World 🤣, it kind of made me laugh. He hated wearing glasses. Oh that kid. I have his glasses by his picture on the cabinet, still dirty the way he left them.

I would give ANYTHING to have him back. I would give myself to have him back here so he could live his life, I’ve lived almost 40 years….16 years isn’t enough.

I loved Zane the moment I held him, well technically the moment I found out I was expecting. And I will love him till the day I die. Then I will love him all over again when we meet again in our eternal life. My love will always remain the same. A mother’s love remains the same.

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