Suicide Awareness

It’s Not Easy Being Me

Superman. Who is your Superman? Who is your Batman? Who is your superhero?

Superman (It’s Not Easy)

by Five For Fighting

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane
I’m more than some pretty face beside a train
And it’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd, but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well, it’s all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy
Or anything

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy

It’s not easy to be
Me

It wasn’t easy being Zane. As I look down at my wrist and see my two bracelets that I wear, one an angel wing, the other the letter Z, I am reminded of his pain. Heros can fall too. He wasn’t crazy, he was only looking for a dream.

Last March Zane started to search for a car for Joe and I to buy him. We made a deal with him that his ‘job’ would be school as long as he maintained straight A’s. So he searched and would send me pictures of cars and the details. It seemed as though every car had something wrong with it…price wasn’t right, too many miles, body damage, year model wasn’t quite right for the price, etc. Then came along a dark silver gray 2012 Dodge Challenger with low miles, one owner, no previous wrecks. Winner winner chicken dinner. But it was quite the adventure to get this car. The dealership was already in the process of showing it to another customer but after I said I had cash on hand they gladly started talking. Zane had a neurosurgeon appointment on a Tuesday afternoon so we test drove the car right after. We both fell in love. Whomever owned the car loved it, for it was well taken care of. I told Zane a little white lie that the other person bought it when Joe and I actually did. Joe was at work so my mom, his Pawpaw and I surprised him at school during lunch that Thursday before spring break started. All of his squad knew what we were up to. It was so much fun to plan.

Being able to give my children what they want is a blessing. Spoiled? Yup. Because I can. Because I want to. I miss being able to spoil my baby boy. I miss those texts of ‘hey mom can I get something on my phone for $5?’ or ‘hey mom can order something on Amazon for $15?’ or ‘hey mom I really want a spoiler on my car’s and the next day he’s sending me pictures of the one he wants.

Don’t let ANYONE give you grief about spoiling your kids. Tomorrow is never promised. Spoil them until they stink.

Find your Superman. He might be in that funny red sheet. Or he might be sitting right next to you. My Superman is Forever 16.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s