Suicide Awareness

Take More Pictures

I’m watching the movie Soul Surfer (where Bethany gets attacked by a shark and loses her arm) and I’m a horrible person. I’m judging. The parents are crying, asking questions… asking why. Bethany, the main character asks why God would make this part of her ‘plan’. Again, judging. This movie is based on a true story and while I am forever grateful that her mom and dad were able to bring her home from the hospital, that’s the thing….they brought her home. What I DO love about the story is she overcomes the obstacles with her missing arm and makes the best of life. While I know she was emotionally traumatized, Bethany lives. I suppose from a parents perspective I would ask why too, just like I ask why now.

Another movie, P.S. I Love You. I relate to the beginning in a way. She loses her husband, three weeks later is her birthday. I lost my son, three weeks later I endured my birthday without him. My first milestone. All through the movie she talks about feeling her late husband, and even asks him at one point where he’s been. I do the same. But at some point she lets him go. I can’t do that.

Joe and I are going on a much needed vacation next week. Just the two of us. I’m nervous. The last two vacations I had all planned out had to be cancelled do to bad things. Last February we were going to Vegas…then my mother-in-law got hospitalized for 40 days. Then I had another Vegas trip planned for August but we all know what happened in July. Definitely not going to Vegas. To So I’m nervous. It seems like God doesn’t want me to enjoy anything. Life.

Well, while shopping for the trip I went to Kohl’s. I haven’t been to the men’s side in a while. Ugh, Levi’s jeans. Thank you for making me cry. I remember searching for his size, which wasn’t always the easiest to find since he was tall and slender. I still have a tub full of his jeans. Maybe Riot or Zeagan will be able to wear them some day.

Then came the band shirts. So many…

I had an interesting conversation with my client/friend Katy at the salon. We were talking about kids, summer time, technology, and spending time outside. Katy then brought up the topic of some people saying that because we carry our phones with us everywhere, we tend to take too many pictures. We both disagree. I strongly disagree. I wish I had taken more pictures of my baby boy. More. So many more. So I beg you, take pictures of your children. Take pictures of every little moment. Save those cute snap chats. Record their voices. Take selfies with them. Ignore what others say about us taking “too many pictures”.

Memories pop up on Facebook and sometimes I get so sad about the old house. I feel guilty because Joe put so much work into it and I made him just move out. And now it’s just sitting there. Someone asked me if I would ever be able to move back in…the answer is no. I’m so thankful Joe understands. Some people do not (someone very close in particular). And that hurts so much. We need to sell it but of course we haven’t done anything. Anyone want a house?😅

Zeagan is getting so big, so tall. His vocabulary is out of this world for two and a half. He is more and more like his uncle every single day. I hope Zane knows this. We say Zane’s name to him every chance we get. There’s no way he will not know him.

Then today I found out someone I love dearly is moving several hours away…

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