Suicide Awareness

We Are Mopar 3, All For Zane

I so wish Zane could have seen the sight we saw at the Texas Motor Speedway Saturday. He would have been drooling. We were there for him. All for him.

The Dallas heat was almost unbearable but we stayed at the track almost the entire day. Pulling up to park we were already in Mopar heaven, every make and model of a Mopar was on display…Fiat, Chrysler, Jeep, and of course Dodge. And the most impressive the Dodge Challenger Demon (1000+ HP).

While we were waiting for the cars to be detailed, all of us were waiting outside the Marriott admiring some of the cars. Cheryl and I looked up and there it was, a beautiful butterfly. Out of nowhere. I scrambled to get a picture but as fast as it appeared, it disappeared. Hi Zane.

After lunch we went to the speedway to wait for our lap time and take in the sights. When it was time I stayed with Zeagan and let everyone else ride (anyone over 6). Joe drove my car with Julie, Kai’Dyn and Myka. Daniel droke Zane’s car with Adrianna and Riot. Dale drove his Challenger with Cheryl. I just made them promise to take amazing pictures and they did. I will never forget seeing my baby’s car going almost 100 mph on a major race track for a good cause driven by his brother.

Sunday night at the hotel I had dream about Zane. I walked into the house, yet it wasn’t a house I recognized, and woke up Daniel and Chris on the couches. I asked who all was there and he said just him, Chris and Austin (whom I never saw in my dream). I was worried because Zane wasn’t home yet because I didn’t see the Challenger outside. Daniel immediately got up and said he would go look for him. All of a sudden Zane walked in, it was his 16 year old self but with his longer shaggy curly hair, handsome as ever. I obviously griped him out and all he said was “ok Mom”. And I woke up.

If I was to interpret my own dream it would be that I’ve been waiting for him to come see me in my dreams. I haven’t seen him in quite a while. I suppose I griped him out for not visiting. I miss him more than anything. I just wish I could gripe him out in person. One day my angel, one day.

The other day I got a notification from the We Are Mopar page on FB so I scrolled through. To my surprise I saw a picture of the rear end of my car…and I looked closer and Zane’s car was right next to mine. I laughed as I read the caption. It was another Dodge Charger that followed us on the interstate in-between Ft Worth and Dallas. She was thanking us for letting us ‘hitch’ a ride since we were kinda not going the speed limit (ssshhhhhhh don’t tell anyone). I told her who we were and our story why we were headed to WAM3. She said she felt honored to travel with us.

As I was driving home the other day from work, for the first time since we moved, I started to slow down at the road I used to turn on to go home to the old house. Then I realized what I was doing. Wow. Even after a year of missing him, it’s still as bad as day one. I can’t stress this enough, hug your loved ones. That phone call is the worst thing in the world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s