Don’t Let Me Drown

“Head Above Water”

By Avril Lavigne

“I’ve gotta keep the calm before the storm
I don’t want less, I don’t want more
Must bar the windows and the doors
To keep me safe, to keep me warm

Yeah my life is what I’m fighting for
Can’t part the sea, can’t reach the shore
And my voice becomes the driving force
I won’t let this pull me overboard

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown

So pull me up from down below
‘Cause I’m underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
I need you now I need you most

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
(Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown)
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
And keep my head above water
(Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown)
Above water

And I can’t see in the stormy weather
I can’t seem to keep it all together
And I can’t swim the ocean like this forever
And I can’t breathe

God, keep my head above water
I lose my breath at the bottom
Come rescue me, I’ll be waiting
I’m too young to fall asleep

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees

Don’t let me drown
Don’t let me drown
(Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown)
Don’t let me drown
And keep my head above water
(Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown)
Above water.”

If you haven’t heard this song, look it up. It has so much meaning, in so many ways. It just might make sense to you in YOUR way. Obviously you will know what it means to me. I know Zane asked for help. He wanted to be saved. I read the texts. Not very many know that. The very same night, I read the texts. The last real conversation he had, he was asking for help.

I’ve had a busy week getting ready for the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk. It wasn’t as crazy as last year, not as “new” so the team wasn’t as large. We didn’t sell as many tshirts, only 97, but many still had their shirts from last year. Saturday night I attended the first Suicide Prevention Awareness Candlelight Vigil at Emerge Church in Lubbock. It was nice and well put together. The speakers did a wonderful job, including Kelly, my dear friend whom lost her sweet Thomas 8 months ago. She was so strong up on stage. It was difficult seeing Zane’s picture on the screen. Along with Alex and Thomas’s. Sunday at the actual walk, it was super cold but we still had a great turnout. We had a beautiful TEAM #flyhighzane in purple all bundled up at Texas Tech. Several of my boys were there to show their love along with my family and friends. So so blessed. We have another walk on Sunday October 28th in Levelland πŸ’œ.

I have decided it’s time to be an advocate for the AFSP. I will begin with the quiet duties, nothing face to face. But as time rolls around I will get stronger and possibly talk and go to walks. I want to make sure that what happened with my child doesn’t happen to your child. I want to help educate. I want to spread the word. I want to end the stigma of mental health and suicide.

In the song it says “God, keep my head above water

Don’t let me drown, it gets harder…” Unfortunately, Zane wasn’t so lucky. I’ll never know why, but I vow to try to keep your baby above water. My phone is always on. My door is always open. There’s always a lap blanket on my couch ready to keep you warm.

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