#stopsuicide

This song tells me something. It tells me I need to keep waking up every morning to face the day. Zane and I always agreed that Brent Smith, the lead singer of Shinedown, was a musical genius. To this day I will never forget looking at Zane’s face as he sang to Shinedown’s music in Ruidoso, especially ‘Simple Man’. He was so passionate. At the tender age of 15 he could feel the deep love of music and what it meant to sink into the lyrics.

During all the mayhem of last week (the suicide walk and preparation) I still had to do our 2017 taxes. Yes, I’m a procrastinator. Always have been when it comes to the tax monster. I do them every year in October. Don’t judge me. These were the most difficult taxes to work on yet. 2017. The worst year of our lives. The year we lost our child. The year our world was crushed. The year our child thought he would be better off in another realm instead of here with us. The last year I would put his name on our tax form. 2017 screw you.

I walked into work on Tuesday to see Monday’s Lubbock Avalanche Journal on my counter. Attached to the paper was a sticky note from my sweet client saying “Carrie, you are making a difference got these kids! -Claire”. Made my entire day. Front page feature was an article by Jayme Lazano about the Out of the Darkness Walk. Also on the front page…a picture of a few my kids and I. I knew Jayme was doing the article but didn’t realize she would be putting us on the front page, again. We are so blessed to be able to help spread the word. The more we are able to speak, the louder our voices can be heard. We can #bethevoice.

I posted a few pictures of Zane’s finished monument on Instagram. I love hashtagging, it’s fun. I like to see who it reaches out to. 99% of the time the main likers are my followers but once in a blue moon a random person will can’t change my photo. Well I noticed a certain like. Heidi Shepherd (@heidithebutcher) from The Butcher Babies (rock group). She has 229 million followers and only follows less than 1k accounts. What on Earth is she checking my picture out for? I was intrigued. Then she liked another one a few days later that I posted. I suppose one of my hashtags caught her attention. Maybe it was #suicidesucks.

Sunday was my beautiful niece’s 8 year heaven anniversary. I sat there as I drank coffee with her, Zane and Petey and wondered why the Timmons family is so cursed. My mother-in-law has lost 3 under the age of 19. I call that a curse. I call that God being mad at us for something. Now tell me why my faith shouldn’t be shattered….

#suicideprevention #suicideawareness #afsp