Sucker Punched

“A lot of people will say the wrong thing. We have to believe their intention was to not hurt you.
To me, those people who avoid me is worse. They don’t want to ruin their day, so avoiding me is convenient I guess.
At least some will say the wrong words attempting to comfort.” This was a quote from another grieving mother who’s child died of suicide. It was on a thread when someone asked why things are said like “it’s been 3 months why are you not over it yet” or “why haven’t you gone back to work yet” etc. I agree with the statement about the ones who avoid me. Don’t. Don’t avoid me. Will it truly ruin your day to ask me how mine is and to hear me tell you the truth? To hear me say “Eh, it’s ok, I’ve been better.”. I don’t lie. I want YOU to tell ME the truth about how you feel. So let’s talk. Spill it.

I was honored to speak at this year’s Speak Up/Reach Out Walk. I didn’t say all I wanted to, I kept it short. If I had, it might have been a book and the daylight would have faded. TEAM #flyhighzane was great, so supportive and as usual, amazing.

I walked into the kids room, Zane’s Alienware computer is set up in there for them. Wednesday before trick or treating Kai’Dyn needed to use it for homework. We haven’t gotten a chair for the desk yet so she asked if she could grab a stool from the kitchen. I was busy doing something else and said yes. This morning I walked in there to wake them up and there was the stool. Yeah to most that would mean absolutely nothing but to me it struck a note. Zane always stole one of the stools from the game room and kept it in his room. Flashback. I would always growl when I saw it missing which was 90% of the time. And oh that smirky smile of his. He knew I was teasing and didn’t really care that it was in his room.

“Bohemian Rhapsody” used to be one of my favorite songs. Until now. It’s different now. I never really listened to it word for word when I was younger. I didn’t understand that it was about suicide. Did Freddy want to die at that time? Was it about him? Or was it just a song? Most writers of songs feel the songs, they come from the heart, they’re not just random words. Something to think about. Now I can’t listen to one of my favorite songs ever again. All because it talks about putting a gun to his head, telling his momma he was sorry and it didn’t matter any more. And to make matters worse, now the movie is coming out about Freddy. No, I will not go see it more than likely. More power to you tho if you choose to see it.

Our little family has been hit with another whammy. When the time is right I will talk more about it. But for now I will let you ponder my faith yet again. Sucker punched. It hurts.

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