Panic attack. Screw you. Tears in my eyes. I was standing in the eyeglass place to get Riot’s glasses repaired and damn it if you didn’t know it the sirens of the firetruck blared. Right by the store. So (***bleep***) loud. I lost my balance and hit a shelf of glasses. Thank goodness the lady fixing the glasses was in the back and didn’t see me stumble. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over the sound of sirens. Or the lights. Do you know how hard it is to ignore the lights if I see someone pulled over? Yeah, not a proud moment. Sheesh my heart is still pounding.
Joe sent me a picture of him next to the drill bit they are about to drill with. It’s over two feet across. Joe can fit in the hole they are drilling. These pictures are something he would have sent Zane. He was always interested in his dad’s job. The last one Joe sent was a video of a flame, the rig having to burn off gas. I remember it wasn’t long before he left us.
April 13th, Daniel’s 22nd birthday. His 2nd birthday without his baby brother. Damn it. No brother should ‘celebrate’ without his brother whom he loved. Joe and I surprised Daniel with a tattoo done by Sheldon, one of Zane’s drawings. It’s of Laughing Jack, a character Zane was obsessed with. When Sheldon saw the original, he was more than impressed, it was done entirely in ink. Every detail. Daniel now has three of Zane’s pieces on his right arm. His goal is to have a sleeve of nothing but his brother’s art eventually. Obviously mom and dad will have a hand in that since we love the idea.
My little Booger came into the bathroom while I was drying my hair chattering away with his play phone next to his ear. Here’s how the conversation went…(don’t forget he’s 3 going on 21)
“Hey Zeagan who are you talking to?”
“Shhhh Gigi” ***finger up to lips…
“But seriously who are you talking to?”
“I’m talking to my friend”
“Who is your friend?”
“Uncle Zane Zane”
That will stop your heart 💓
Got into a conversation about coffee at the gym. Another flashback. I would make coffee in the mornings and ask Zane if he wanted any. Some days yes, some days no. He would always use the same mug, although I had a few of them, the one with Texas Tech on it because it had a lid and he could take it with him. And because I several it was easy for them to pile up in in his back seat. Believe it or not, for being 16 that was the only thing he let pile up in his car, he kept it pretty clean.
I was searching through my junk drawer for something, ya know, junk, and came across the ticket for the 9/11 Memorial Museum in New York. It’s dated 3/16/2015. This was Zane’s 8th grade History trip. My child got to go to New York before I did, the little punk. Funny how you come across things at the most unexpected times. I put the ticket in his memory book with other items like the note he wrote me at church that says “I love you Mom”, receipts, and several pictures. That’s all I have left of him.