Foundation Cracks

How sturdy is your foundation? I thought ours was good two years ago. Especially when we were in Ruidoso that June. Zane seemed so happy. I was fooled. God fooled me. God fooled Zane.

Our foundation has since then strengthened a bit with the help of the kids but there will always be that missing stone.

I keep making the same mistake over and over. I have a love of watching movies I haven’t seen. I need to stop. Or maybe I need to read more about the stupid movies before I watch them. While the actual movies are good, particular scenes are HORRIBLE. The Netflix movie Beats…one of the first scenes…the sister gets shot. The image I saw is the image I imagine. I guess my imagination wasn’t so wild.

Saturday morning a Tahoe passed me on highway 114 going significantly fast. Instant flashback. Gggrrr. Granted it wasn’t going 130+ mph with flashers on but the sudden shock of the vehicle passing me gave me the creeps. Was she heading to an emergency? Did something happen? Is everything ok? But I didn’t see her pulling a fist full of hair out or pounding the window or screaming or rocking back and forth violently.

‘Live Forever’ by Drew Holcomb

Laughter is the only thing that’ll keep you sane
This world is dyin’ more and more every day
Don’t let evil get you down
In this madness, spinning ’round and ’round
I want you to live forever
Underneath the sky so blue
Some people say faith is a childish game
Well, play on, children, like it’s Christmas day.
Sing me a song, sing me a melody
You can sing out loud, ’cause you’re a symphony.
I want you to live forever
Underneath the sky so blue
I want you to live forever
Underneath the sky so blue
Take courage when the road is long
Don’t ever forget that you’re never alone
I want you to live forever
Underneath the sky so blue
I want you to live forever
Underneath the sky so blue
I want you to live forever
Underneath the sky so blue

The kids and I went to my best friends son’s (Ian) baseball game in Plainview Sunday afternoon. As I approached the town I started to have a small, slight panic attack. The last time I had been there was for Zane’s powerlifting meet his sophomore year. I remember the meet well, but then again, I remember every one of them. On the drive home from that meet, Joe got pulled over….😂, I think the officer was just admiring my car 😉. I laughed as I drove into town and enjoyed Ian’s game.

This morning not only once but twice, yeah twice my ears and eyes have been riddled with sirens. The second time, I moved out of the way of the ambulance only for it to pull right up behind me giving me a heart attack. I didn’t know where to go. I turned right, stopped and cried. Then went straight to the cemetery. I needed to go yell at my son.

I am my mom’s youngest child. Zane was my youngest. Zane was my mom’s youngest grandchild. Joe is Carmen’s youngest child. Zane was his youngest. Zane was Carmen’s youngest grandchild. Oh what a broken foundation.

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