One day last week while driving to Lubbock I had a minor panic attack. A truck pulled out into the street, but…a man was in the back end. Why a panic attack? Because that’s how my husband’s brother died, he was riding in the back while on the way to football practice in 1993. Petey was 16, same age as Zane. Whoever was driving this truck accelerated quickly, with this human life in the back, instead of waiting for 8 o’clock traffic to clear on a busy street in Lubbock, Texas. No regard. I just shook my head.
I wrote and had a featured blog post on the Lubbock Mom’s Blog (Lubbockmomsblog.com) last week I think you’d like to read it if you haven’t already. This is my short version… Saturday August 24th I signed up for a shift to hug with Lubbock Free Hugs at Lubbock Pride 2019 ❤️🧡💚💙💛💜. Amy Martin, a long time highschool friend of mine put this together in honor of her daughter Lexi. I met my friend Katy out there and right away while setting up us Mom’s starting hugging. Two, get this, two of the young volunteers came to check on us to see if we needed water. While we didn’t, we offered hugs. BOTH kids said their moms disowned them. WTF?!? All because they chose to walk a different path? My son is buried 6 feet in the ground and theirs is alive walking and breathing ON the ground! This is my blog and I’ve been known to be raw…. that’s not a mother, that’s an asshole. A mother has unconditional love NO MATTER WHAT. I know, well as for myself, I was bound to a “contract” to LOVE my child no matter what. If that wasn’t the case my goodness, Daniel and I had plenty of knock down drag out fights that could have ended our mom/son relationship but nope, we still put up with each other 🤣.
Well the rest of the time I was there I hugged and hugged. I left feeling good but yet sad, knowing these beautiful faces needed hugs. I also gathered some great information from other booths about suicide prevention and awareness that I’ll be sharing in future blogs. I need to make contact with a few people from a few organizations. I will never stop trying to save someone else’s baby.
We were in Home Depot the other day and Joe heard my phone ringing. I grabbed it out of my purse and my face lit up…it was TJ from boot camp in Missouri!!! I almost dropped my phone I was so excited! I teared up right there in the middle of Home Depot and put him on speaker phone. I didn’t care who it bothered. He didn’t have much time to talk so we made as much conversation as we could, asking him how he was. He told us how he was doing amazing, top in his platoon, scoring super high on his PT tests. But, to be expected, TJ is trying to out-do his own score and get higher! That’s our valedictorian for you! Boy do we miss that kid. I sent him a care package the other day, a few things he asked for in the last letter he sent us. I hang on waiting for that next letter…at least I know that will come.
Whomever said “Time heals all” was never really grieving.