No Shame, Bye 2021

Christmas morning of 2016 was the last perfect Christmas I could ask for. Seven months later our world crumbled. I’m heartbroken writing this. This, and the past 5 Christmas mornings I’ve cried as I stare at the stockings, all full of things, except one. His hangs with a pair of angel wings.

Christmas 2021 makes the fifth one without the child we were blessed to have for 16 perfect years. I will be the first to tell you each year does not get better, easier, or smoother. We just get past it for the kids’ sake. We love seeing their faces light up. You can wrap up a cardboard box for Zeagan to unwrap and he is happy as a lark. We kept the gifts to a minimum this year so some of them were just about as cheap as a box haha. Our family has had quite a slap in the face again this year.

2021 can gladly go away. January started out pretty yucky. While I was still on recovery from my back surgery in December 2020, Daniel went outside to get something, came back inside and asked us if Joe had been in his truck. Umm, no? Sometimes in the middle of the night, Joe’s truck was broken into. His business was still building and he kept most of his tools in there. All. Gone. $7K worth of tools, equipment, and personal things were stolen. Nothing was ever recovered.

In February I lost my wedding ring. Yep, just a piece of metal/stones but that’s not what broke my heart from losing it. Nine years ago when I got the chance to design this gorgeous ring (we could finally afford it), Zane was there with us. It was a fun memory. So not only did I lose my wedding ring, I lost a memory of Zane.

The evening I lost my ring, the ice storm of 2021 hit. I think I was off work a week from the bad weather. March. Oh man, a broken arm and surgery. Another week off. Pretty sure I went back wayyyy too soon. Surgery Friday, back to work Tuesday. Self employed has perks but when you’re not working there is absolutely no income.

The next few months went decent. Then September hit. Like a tsunami. Labor day weekend Joe and I had Zeagan, from Thursday after school till Monday evening. Wednesday he tested positive for COVID-19. I immediately left work as soon as Adrianna called me. Joe went and picked up the kids at school. Quarantine 101. By Friday I knew it hit me, positive. Saturday I was down for the count, sick as a dog. Monday Joe and the kids, positive. I was the only one (besides Zeagan) who had severe symptoms. Two more weeks off. I needed more time off but I couldn’t afford it. Plus Joe wasn’t working.

The day the kids went back to school, September 23rd, our world got flipped inside out and all the way around. First class throat punch. I can’t go into great detail but I’ll say it involves CPS, a lie, actually a HUGE NASTY TERRIBLE DISTURBING lie, a caseworker investigator that didn’t do her job, my family being displaced, a new caseworker investigator who abused her power, CPS stealing my children, CPS NOT doing what they’re supposed to do like placing with family and calling me BEFORE she transports them ANYWHERE so I’m aware of their whereabouts, hiring a badass lawyer, court, more court, and having our child back home.

I’m not ashamed whatsoever to talk about CPS. Why? Because it’s all bullshit. ALL. When you have done NO WRONG, there should be no shame in sharing your story. At our Family Team Meeting we were clearly told that CPS stands for CHILD (and I emphasize child) Protective Service and there is no family in there. They believed her and only her, not one time did they want to hear the truth. Not. One. Time. Even though DFPS stands for Department of Family and Protective Services, which is over CPS. The supervisor told us this. I always thought there is supposed to be a legitimate investigation, include the family and at least pretend to care about the family. Back in 2017 a week or so before my kids were officially taken from their original home CPS was called because of a knife fight during a party. Yes, a knife fight that resulted in an injury. Did they take the kids into custody then??? NOOOO!!!!! It took my son walking out into traffic almost getting hit in front of a sheriff, said sheriff taking kids home, woman who answered door had a warrant, and there CPS took custody. Less than a month later Joe and I became second chance parents.

Losing Zane is like you yourself is dying. Being betrayed by a disgusting lie from someone you love is like Norman Bates of Psycho plunging that knife in your heart over and over, but it’s not chocolate syrup pouring out. We tried. Maybe we tried too hard, I don’t know. We have gone through so many emotions, especially Joe. Major counceling is on the schedule for all of us, including Daniel, Adrianna and Zeagan. We have all been hit emotionally. Financially, it’s another story.

The Timmons family is trying to hold it all together right now. Children just need to learn there are major consequences for making accusations that are absolutely not true just so they can go live with a friend. So many lives have been affected.  Christmas was different again this year.

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